Ultimate Transformation: When We Are Mush in the Pupa

Ultimate Transformation:  When We Are Mush in the Pupa

Transforming into the Butterfly Sounds Wonderful

As we go through life changes, how often have we heard and seen the metaphor of the beautiful butterfly that we are becoming?

And, this gorgeous vision, is a wonderful way to hold an image of our highest outcome.

The Pupa Stage Precedes Our Change

One thing we don’t often talk about when we talk about transformation is how the actual state of transformation feels.

In our goal oriented society, we focus on outcomes and numbers and strategies and plans to get there.

When we talk about transformation, we focus on outcomes.  And this is reasonable.  The beauty of the gorgeous butterfly we are becoming motivates and inspires.

But in the midst of transformation, transforming ourselves and our lives feels deeply, absolutely, discomforting.  We can feel irritated, annoyed, uncomfortable, fearful, and so on and we blame this on ourselves, or others!

It can seem like everyone else is going from point A to point B with no problem.  We feel that flowing through life is normal and any struggling is uncomfortable and unnatural.

But what is the truth of our transformation? Because, in finding our truth, we can support ourselves, and others going through the same process, better.

The Outer Reflects the Inner?  Lol…. Hundreds of Pupas

I recently had caterpillars galore surround my carport, lining pillars.  I looked at them and wondered – what was going on?

A couple days later, I looked again, and there were no more caterpillars.

There were hundreds of pupas.

Hundreds of pupas lined trees, pillars, fencing and anything else standing.

If our outer world reflects our inner state of being, as we are often told, then my inner state must be one of complete and utter transformation!

Certainly, my world is transforming.

And this feels…. Uncomfortable.

Really uncomfortable.

What Goes On in the Pupa?  How a Caterpillar Transforms

According to my biologist friend, the caterpillar attaches it’s back legs to the surface and becomes it’s own pupa.  Once inside the pupa, the caterpillar turns into complete mush.

When we are in great transformation, we are like that mush in the pupa – melting from our old form, but seemingly, not anywhere near what we will be.

When I looked at the pupas on the pillars of my carport, I knew that they would turn into butterflys… or moths.  So I knew the general form.

But, I had no idea of what that form would look like – what the specifics would be.  I didn’t know the colors, the size, the species, the type.  What exactly would come out of the pupa?  It would be a complete surprise to me.

As we are melting into our own transformative process, and deconstruction rules our lives, we can feel uncertain, uncomfortable.  The seeming stability of our old structures are crumbling.  We feel insecure, uncertain.

Struggling with Our Change

Lots of questions can come to mind:

• Was this really a good idea, anyway?
• Why did I start this process!?
• What is happening to me?
• Why did I do this?
• What exactly will be the outcome?
• How will I survive?
• Will I be recognizable to myself?
• Will I like who I am becoming?

The mind torments us with questions, yet provides no answers.

Because, if we are honest with ourselves, in the midst of transformation, we cannot really answer these questions.

In this situation, our heart is our refuge, if we have the courage to enter.

We are like the mush in the pupa – deconstructed, unformed.  The mind cannot grasp this state of being.

I have found that my best path has been to let these questions go.  To go deep within, in meditation.  I have found that letting myself feel my feelings in the moment, and blessing them, and letting them go, leaves me clear again.

Trusting Transformation – Trusting Ourselves

And in this clarity, I remember I am protected and secure, in my pupa, in my transformative process, and I am okay, and I am becoming a butterfly, and I am okay, and not-knowing is okay.

Because I trust myself, and I trust this process.

The beauty and inspiration of millions of butterflies encourage us… to continue on.

Weeks after seeing the pupas outside my home, one day I was surprised to see that there seemed to be less of them.  I was stunned to think where they could have gone.

Yes, I finally got it, on the day when I saw a pupa, moving.  Yes, moving!!  It was swinging back, and forth, and I could imagine the butterfly inside struggling and struggling to break out of it’s tiny temporary home, and fly forth.

One by one, the pupas have opened.  Beautiful happy dancing butterfly alighted.

I keep getting myself ready for my ultimate transformation.  Sometimes, this feels like a struggle, everyday this feels uncomfortable.  Sometimes I rest inside my tiny, secure little home.  And I rejoice at my progress.

And, I dream about my vision, of what I will look like, and who I am.  I transform a little, every day.  The butterfly within.  I am excited to see her.  I am excited to be me, now.

How about you?

Susan