Dear Soul

The first thing you gotta know, is that I’m going to f*ck up, somehow.

I’m going to screw something up.

You’re okay with that?

Right.

Because this is a big project I’m working on together,

With you.

It’s a big deal for me, personally.

When I’m doing this, with you, I feel joy beyond comparison.

I feel Holy.

I feel, thrilled.

I feel like life itself is worth living.

That’s how I feel, when I’m with you,

Soul.

And yet a little tiny part of me is wondering.

When is this going to end?

A little tiny part of me says,

It could all go away tomorrow.

A little, no a big part of me says,

That it would break my heart if I was without you again.

That it would break my heart if I broke this open,

If I broke open my heart for you –

And it all went to hell in a handbasket.

How would I recover from that?

Soul.

You’ve put me up to this before?

Haven’t you.

And I’ve always come through for you.

Haven’t I?

Boy was all of that painful.

I know that when I get back to heaven,

When I get back to You,

That I’m going to feel –

All grateful.

All wondrous.

All like “yeah, I got that!”

All like “I rocked that!”

That’s what my human self thinks.

But I know that when I’m back there.

I won’t actually care.

I know because I remember returning.

I already remember returning, and being done with all of this.

And just wanting to hang with my buds.

The other light balls.

Or whatever I looked like.

I hope we had a good ole party.

I wish that I remembered that part.

So, back to me and you.

I want to do this.

This project you’ve put me up to.

With gratitude, I am so excited.

This is my joy, this is my love.

This is what I was born to do.

God help me.

You help me

Please.

Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

It’s not worth it without you.

And yet when I connect with you, and then I’m in the zone,

And then I’m done for the evening.

I’m scared.

Just a little.

I’m scared of failure.

I’m scared of ridicule.

I’m scared of just trying.

I’m scared of not ever trying.

I’m afraid I will be crushed.

I’m afraid I will be elated.

I’m afraid I will succeed beyond my wildest dreams.

I’m afraid I will be normal.

So I’m going to turn in now, Soul.

I’m done for the evening.

I’m tired and I’ve got to do my human things.

My basic stuff in the physical world like cleaning,

And taking care of my body, and taking care of my home,

And tucking myself in.

And I will see you again tomorrow.

I’ll probably see you tonight in my dreams but f*ck it I won’t remember that.

I will see you again tomorrow.

And I’m gonna love the heck out of me.

Because I’ve got you.

Because I am you, you in this body.

I am my soul as experienced through this mind and these feelings.

I’m not ever gonna be lonely again.

Because I know what love is,

When I am with you.

I know that I am special now.

Because I’ve got you.

I know that I am blessed beyond measure.

I know I will keep trying.

I will keep being.

Me.

Let’s do this “Me”, project, Soul.

I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.

I’m feeling good in my “Now” moment.

Yes, I do.

© 2016 Susan V. Lacerra. All Rights Reserved.  Permission is given to share this article on other blogs and websites as long as the text is posted in its entirety without alteration and with the accompanying photos (if photos are in the repost), and with the author’s credit, copyright and live website links included in the article. Contact the author at susan.lacerra@gmail.com. Twitter handle is @SusanInspired.

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