Lost love for my twin flame was a huge theme for me for many years.  It is an epic and very long story that I lived in my dreams since childhood.

Love was lost in so many ways.  Over the years, my dreams of love were tragic, and they were epic:  I suffered through massacre.  I was betrayed.  I was rebellious.  I was competent.  In my outrage I committed an act of anger that I could not forgive myself for.  I was alone.  I was lost to him.  I did not remember him.  I passionately called to him across the galaxy.  I schemed and strategized.  I was tired, and confused.  I lost my memory.  But I could still feel him.  He dropped off my radar screen.  I found him boring.  I desperately missed him.  I deeply desired to merge with him.  I wished to be one with him.

I remembered many stories of my love:  I was promised to him.  He stood with me.  He escaped with me.  He fought with me.  He comforted me.  He betrayed me.  He almost died, and I healed him.  He was separated from me.  He was the son of the king.  He was my classmate.  He was my team mate.  He was my equal.  We were always together.  He looked for me and longed to find me.  He found me.  He became bored with our life.  He flew off on long missions.  He came around once in a while.  He patiently waited for me.  He passionately loved me.  He longed for me to return home.

And so it goes.

The remembering of all these stories of love was how I eventually came to know my twin flame.  I always remembered, since teen years, a man in my dreams.  The same age as me.  But I could not “find” him.  In this life, I had lost the ability.  And I didn’t think it was possible.  And I longed for him so deeply.  But I never thought that I would meet him in this lifetime, or that he would be on this planet.  Because I knew where he was.  He was in my dreams.

What I found over time was that I didn’t want to find him because I didn’t think that he could forgive me for all that I had done in my incarnations.  And I felt I wasn’t good enough etc.  It took a long time to realize that I was hiding from home.  There are so many layers of misconception.  And so many ways that we hide away from ourselves, so we don’t have to suffer the feelings that we need to remember, so that we can return home.

I finally let that go, the drama, and the feelings of shame, when I chose to see things from “his” view.  That he could not stop me from my actions in incarnations – things like destroying planets I’m talking.  And things that were much smaller but felt just as strong.  And I somehow felt that I had betrayed him.

When I realized how he must feel, not being able to reach ME, that is when I started to come around to him.  I started to realize the pain he might feel at losing me.  I started to feel the dismay he must feel at my actions.  The helplessness at not being able to guide me.  To reach me.  To share feelings with me.

It took a while for us to saddle up to each other.  To draw closer.  He was patient.  And he was kind.  And he was completely honoring of my boundaries.

I had to invite him in.

But he would only come to me, if I was honoring, me.  If I was respecting myself.  If I was honoring our love.

It took quite a while for me to learn to trust his energy.  For me to learn to consistently honor ourselves, together.

And when I finally allowed myself to face him, in energy form, the love he sent me was incredible.  So complete and accepting.  And it’s taken me awhile to realize, that we are one and the same being.  I am the other part, the part of our sum total energy in incarnation.

And now that I know that… I know that I will never be alone.

I know that everything is going to be okay.  No matter what it looks like on the outside.

And I know that he is with me, in every moment.  And that this is the way we enjoy our lives, together.  A divine being and me, a human being.  Living as one, together on this planet.  One in body (me).  And one in spirit (him).  How can I explain how this is possible?  The mind knows no explanation.

But this is the truth of my heart.  And his presence ignites in me, the dreams of our Soul.

And causes me to want to go out and explore, to rise and greet the sunshine, to adventure out, and to know that I am truly and completely loved, Now.  And in every moment.

 

© 2016 Susan V. Lacerra.  All Rights Reserved.  Permission is given to share this article on other blogs and websites as long as the text is posted in its entirety without alteration and with the author’s credit, copyright and live website links included in the article.

The photo above is “Golden Lion” copyright by Seyms Brugger

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